Poems::Thoughts::Reflections

World Cup 2006

2006-07-02T06:51:00.000-07:00

The World Cup fever is on! With the quarter-finals already over and done with, the only teams left standing are Germany, Italy, France and Portugal. Managed to catch the matches 'Germany vs Argentina' and 'England vs Portugal' over the weekend, which were both interesting and emotionally gruelling to watch in their respective ways...

Germany vs Argentina

Aside from the widely-known fact that these teams are 2 of the powerhouses in World Cup 2006, I knew next to nothing about them. However, it's never fun to watch a game and maintain a neutral ground for both teams. Thus, my loyalty was directed at Germany, reason being, Argentina's rough shoving, kicking and shirt-pulling antics were extremely off-putting and appalling. To add to that, their fight-picking behavior after losing the match was somewhat unbecoming and uncalled for...

The match, I must say, was highly intense and fast-paced. My heart sank to the pits when Argentina scored their first goal, and soared when Germany attained an equalizer. Germany's tenacity and determination to win was plain to see as they doubled their pace and started their counter-offensive to attain the much needed equalizer to stay in the game. Both teams fought and defended for all their worth, genuinely living up to their reputation of being the stronger teams in the tournament. Finally, the game was concluded with a 1-1 draw in the 90th minute and extra time, with Germany winning 4-2 against Argentina in the penalty shoot-outs. A weird observation I made - Argentina's goalkeeper kept leaping in the opposite direction to which the ball was kicked in by the German players during the penalty shoot-outs. *perplexed* Germany's goalkeeper on the other hand made 2 fantastic saves which led to their well-deserved and euphoric victory!

Through the game, I must say that I have developed a strong admiration for Germany's captain, Michael Ballack. Watching helplessly as he was literally slammed face-down to the ground by one of the Argentinian players when Germany was taking a penalty by the side, my heart really went out to him at the sight of him holding his nose as it bled and limping through the rest of the tournament. Nevertheless, he pressed on resiliently, albeit having to leave the field momentarily at some point after delivering a lightning-speed superb pass to one of his team mates, which probably aggravated his injury. Through it all, he stood tall and persevered all the way to the penalty shoot-outs, whereby he fired the ball straight into the net despite his injury and the commentator's doubts in his state of health. (Quote: "Can you believe it?? The next to take the penalty is actually Michael Ballack?!"). Therefore, I really must salute and applaud Michael Ballack for his attitude of resilience and perserverence! Way to go, Ballack!!

England vs Portugal

The match between England and Portugal was of a much slower pace as compared to that between Germany and Argentina. However, in the department of controversy, the former won hands down...

I sincerely believe that England could and should have won instead of Portugal! It's definitely just 'bad luck' on England's side to have David Beckham replaced due to a knee injury and Wayne Rooney slapped with a red card, not forgetting Michael Owen who's home in England nursing a broken leg. I mean, with the captain and 2 strikers down, England was literally crippled! Believe it or not, the whole thing seems like one big well-plotted conspiracy where the captioned match was concerned..

First, one of the Portugese players kicked Beckham in the knee, putting him out of action for the rest of the game. Question: Was that limp-inducing kick pre-meditated? Second, when Wayne Rooney stood up from a tussle with a Portugese defender (forgot his name), incidently stepping on him in the process, Cristiano Ronaldo ran 40m to egg the referee to send Rooney off. For shoving C. Ronaldo or be it stepping on the defender, Rooney was heavily penalized with a red card! That in my opinion, was totally unfair and undeserved! A yellow card or a free-kick in Portugal's favor should definitely suffice as punishment right? Third, the newspapers reported C. Ronaldo winking towards the Portugal bench when Rooney was heading off the field. Since Ronaldo and Rooney are team mates in Manchester United, Ronaldo is probably aware of Rooney's temperament. So the question is, did he deliberately do what he did to trigger the shove from Rooney?? Could it be that Scolari had it all planned out?! Go figure...

Nonetheless, England is without a doubt praise-worthy as they fought it out to the very end with only the strength of 10 men. Sadly, they faltered at the penalty shoot-outs.. Frankly speaking, all the talk about Eriksson destructing his own team indeed holds an element of truth. Honestly, England has other pretty strong players like Aaron Lennon, Steven Gerrard, Rio Ferdinand, Joe Cole and etc, but they're somewhat limited by their manager's strategy. With the consistent maintenance of Erikkson's conservative 4-5-1 formation, the England team is compromised when it comes to adopting an offensive stance. With a lone Wayne Rooney left in the position to attack, it's no wonder he flared up under the intense pressure of being perpetually swamped by 2-3 players from the opposing teams. Legendary as his talent and abilities may be hailed, he's severely outnumbered!

Seeing Beckham sitting helplessly by the side with his face buried in his hands and crying was a heart-wrenching sight. With Eriksson's reign ending with World Cup 2006, hopefully when it comes to World Cup 2010, England will return with a vengenance and a new manager, who'll take the team to greater heights...

On a final note, the semi-finals will take place in the coming week, with Germany meeting Italy on Wednesday (5 July) and France with Portugal on Thursday (7 July). If my predication is accurate, Germany will fight it out with France for the trophy next Sunday. On my part, I'm doubtlessly rooting for an additional star to be added to Germany's already 3-starred jersey!!!

Cassiopeia Leader: On-board Training

2006-02-26T06:51:00.000-08:00

Finally, my very first overseas trip since I started my employment with my current company... Flew to Kuala Lumpur with my senior last Friday night, boarded a PCC vessel (MV Cassiopeia Leader) in Port Klang on Saturday, and sailed with her back to Singapore. Heard that many people do not get the chance to go on-board even after years of employment, so really thank God for the opportunity!

Initially, upon boarding the vessel, I somehow felt like a trespasser as the crew weren't a smiling lot. The guy who led us to our cabins and the captain certainly didn't have the word 'welcome' written on his face. In fact, I was telling my senior that his face seems to be as 'dark' as charcoal. Anyway, people aside, the cabins are actually very cosy and comfortable! There was a bed, table, cabinet and a personal lavatory. I definitely wouldn't mind staying on board for a longer period of time!

After dropping our fat bags into our respective cabins, my senior and I met the ship captain. The captain seems like a friendly man who had a constant smile on as we spoke to him. After a short conversation, we adjoined for dinner. The food on board was surprisingly good, varying from briyani rice for lunch, to pita for dinner, to banana pancakes for breakfast... After dinner, the chief engineer and third officer brought us on a tour around the vessel, to the engine room, muster decks, monkey island, cargo decks and etc, which really opened my eyes to many things which I had been ignorant about all along. After the ice was broken, the crew was actually pretty nice!

Based on the above, I must have given the impression that life as a seaman is really good. However, the above states only one side of the story. In fact, many of them are feeling really imprisoned and bored on the vessel. When one of them mentioned that being on the vessel is akin to being in prison, I didn't think much of it until further pondering.

After the realization of how it feels to be stuck in a confined space for months without their family, with only the sea and sky as the constant unchanging backdrop, my heart just goes out to them. When I thought about how people tend to take their freedom for granted (no exception to myself), a sense of melancholy just struck my heart. I somehow wish I could do something for them, but there's really no practical help I can even hope to offer. I can only pray for them and hope sincerely in my heart that life will be good to them, and that God will bless and protect them.

Even as I'm typing this minute, the Cassiopeia Leader is probably on her way out of Singapore and heading for Hong Kong. May blessings and journey mercy follow them wherever their future ports of call may be...

LIFE

2005-11-06T04:57:00.000-08:00

Life's not been too good recently... Everything's pretty much alright on the outside - my family's fine, made mistakes at work but didn't get into any serious trouble, still going to church, took up golf lessons and all. Life's not hard on me. But yet and still, it feels really miserable inside. Life just seems to go on and on infinitely and nothing significant seems to be happening. At certain points in time, I wish I could just call truce and want out of this 'game' that seems to be getting nowhere. There seems to be this invisible vortex sucking me in gradually and draining whatever meaning and happiness that's left.

Well, thank God that I was able to spend some quiet time away at the seaside these past two days to think things through and cry out pleas to Him for help. It was a spur of moment decision yesterday while driving back from the golfing range after a really demoralizing and pathetic practice. A sudden urge to hit the beach to drink in the sight of the vast skies and melody of the rhythmic waves just welled up. The beach had been the place I'd run to when I was down and out, hurt or broken-hearted. It somehow has this therapeutic effect on me through all those times. So there I was at the beach again sitting on my favorite bench on saturday with countless issues raging in my head and heart. I started pouring out all the internal anguish to God, which didn't exactly come out in a systematic manner. After a short duration of about 30 minutes, I left the place more peaceful at heart.

Today, upon arriving home from my golf lesson, I felt this need for the beach again. Without much hesitation, I took a walk to East Coast Park, only to find my favorite bench occupied much to my dismay. Nevertheless, I found another bench further up and started praying silently while staring at the ships drifting out at sea.

At some point, something which Vincent (my golf coach) said came to mind. He told the class that even the golf professionals have problems hitting the ball straight and their extra hours of practice just makes them 'luckier'. He also shared the acronym of GOLF - Go On Learning Forever. Well, I've always thought that golf professionals have 'arrived' in this sport, sort of like mastered the game. I mean, it can't be helped that whenever Vincent strikes the ball, my fellow trainees will just gasp in awe. Especially when he can manipulate the shots to send the ball left, right, centre and to stimulate pushes, pulls, push/pull - slices/hooks (terms used in the golfing arena when the shots don't go straight).

Anyway, back to the topic, I realized that I've been beating myself up for not being good enough in everything. I feel really inferior and ignorant at work when problems come my way and I have no clue how to solve it, only to find my senior handling it effortlessly. I get really demoralized and upset when I practise at the golfing range and hit the balls real bad. I get really high-strung and discontented when things don't go the way I want them to. Sounds like some perfectionist here? Anyhow, if the golf professionals with their really SUPERB standard still need to Go On Learning Forever, how much more a novice like me. And it doesn't just apply to golf, but also to my career in which I'm pretty much a novice still.

So conclusion, instead of shunning difficult situations and running away from obstacles, I should have the mindset of an overcomer. I should approach challenging situations with humilty and a learning mindset, instead of viewing them as 'calamities' that are out to get me. From GOLF, I found inspiration for my acronym on LIFE - Learning Infinitely For Eternity. That's what life is, we'll have to learn and learn and learn about major things, minor things, so so many things till the day we depart from this world. And since I'll have to go through LIFE whether I like it or not, I am better off making life's learning experiences more pleasurable for my own sake...

Spiritual Paradigm Shifts

2005-11-01T07:06:00.000-08:00

Posting tonight was not part of my plan.. However, after watching Pastor Kong's live bible study sermon online, I just felt this urge to write about 2 main things. Namely, FORGIVENESS and WATER BAPTISM.

~ FORGIVENESS ~

'Forgive and forget' is a common idiom I grew up hearing but had always thought of them as separate entities. It was always under my impression that though one can forgive, it's umpteen times harder to forget. So basically, the process starts with you deciding to forgive someone, to genuinely forgiving and finally physching yourself to forget the whole incident, which does not necessarily happen...

According to Pastor Kong, we have to forget the hurt or offence inflicted on us before we can genuinely forgive a person... We need to ask God for our Manasseh - grace to forget. Manasseh (Heb: God has taught me how to forget) is actually the name of Joseph's firstborn heir. Pastor taught of how Joseph managed to forgive his brothers despite the grievous hurt and betrayal they had administered upon him, through gracious forgetfulness from God. Therefore, when a person come up to us to ask for forgiveness for something, we'll be like 'For what?? I've already forgotten!' What a significant paradigm shift indeed...

I don't have to go through an extended period of soul-searching or deep meditation to know that certain hurts and offences still reside within me. I've made decisions to forgive before but the bad memories always come haunting and catching me off guard at times when I'm vulnerable. Equipped with this new knowledge and revelation, I shall mobilize my Manasseh by God's grace to erase the undesirable memories so that sterling forgiveness can flow from my heart...

~ Water Baptism ~

'Should I go for my water baptism? Or should I not?' This question has been surfacing in my mind sporadically. Water baptism had always been somewhat of an option as I've read somewhere that you don't need to be water baptised to be saved. It's not to say that I do not have the desire to be water baptised but 2 huge hurdles are standing in my way... My parents.

Well, true... I'm already of age do not have to seek parental consent to go through the baptism. However, I trapped myself by promising my parents that I will not be water baptised until I receive their blessing in my bid to pacify their wounded hearts caused by my 'betrayal' of their ancestral religion by becoming a Christian convert. Honestly, I'm kind of scared to ask them if I can go ahead with being water baptised as I can imagine the wrath that awaits. I still shudder at the thought of how my Mum just started flaring up at me last year for no rhyme or reason, only to discover that she had mistakenly suspected that I was already water baptised. Swell...

Pastor shared earlier in his sermon that water baptism is akin to the children of Israel crossing the Red Sea and leaving Egypt (the land of slavery) behind permanently. What he meant is that water baptism is a spiritual procedure that will bring us into God's kingdom and the demonic powers oppressing us will be broken and can't lay hold on us anymore. If this is really what water baptism is all about, I really pray for God's confirmation that it's time for me to receive my water baptism and that He'll open a way for me. I can only pray that my parents' hearts will be softened and it will not hurt them too much when my time comes...

Orientation Port Tour

2005-10-25T07:24:00.000-07:00

Received a phone call from Wai Leng, the Admin Exec, amidst my 15 minutes worth of rushing through as many emails as possible at 8.45am this morning. It was time to assemble at the lobby to begin the company port tour. This tour was arranged as part of the company's orientation program which takes place tri-monthly. Well, don't ask me why I'm still attending orientation when I'm about 5 months into my job... They just didn't sign me up when I was undergoing my probation.

The first destination on our itinery was the PRCD (Pacific Rim Container Depot) in Tuas where our company's containers exchange hands. The place was piled with stacks and stacks of containers. Learned during the 3 days orientation that there are several different types of containers used for shipment, namely the 20ft, 40ft, high cube, reefer, open-top, flat rack and blah blah blah. To think I only thought that 20fts and 40fts exist... The tour at the depot was really an eye-opener, as I witnessed how they used an extremely tall container forklift to pile the containers above one another, as well as, having stepped into a reefer (literally a refrigerated container) of temperature between 6-8 degrees celcius. Freeeeezing...

Besides that, we were also taken for on tour around the warehouse which is dedicated to house mainly parts for Pioneer and Toyota products. We were told that due to the sensitive nature of the various parts, the staff in charge of packing operations are not allowed to talk to each other and are required of their full concentration at all times. Partitions are even erected in the middle of the packing table to ensure that the workers do not distract each other. Imagine that??!! I think I'll just go crazy if I were one of them... (Disclaimer: Spoken with the premise of a chatterbox) Anyhow, when the manager held up a little box (approx. 30 cm by 15 cm) vacuum-sealed in plastic telling us that it could fetch the price of a bungalow, we were all stunned. Now that explains the 'torture' inflicted on the staff...

12nn plus plus: LUNCH TIME!!! Venue: Keppel Club. Food quality: Mediocre, nevertheless successfully quelling my already growling stomach... Only one major complaint: I ordered 'fish & chips' and it was unavailable. Changed my order to 'chicken cutlet' and it was also unavailable. Sounds like some conspiracy as these were the ONLY 2 proper Western main courses in the menu! Finally, I had to contend with beef hor fan, which had a lot of garlic... By the way, I HATE garlic!!!

After lunch, we zipped off to the Tanjong Pagar Brani Terminal for our vessel tour. We went on board, MV ACX Rafflesia, an average-sized NYK liner vessel. This might be the one and only opportunity for me to visit a liner vessel as I'm dealing mainly with the PCC (Pure Car Carrier/RORO) vessels. From what I see, liner vessels are giant boats with containers stacked on-deck. Verdict: Liner vessels are DEFINITELY less sophiscated and less pretty compared to PCC vessels.

A little digression for weather update. The weather was highly unpredictable this afternoon, with showers on and off... We were crossing our fingers and praying for the rain to stop so as not to jeapardise the vessel tour. Fortunately, the rain stopped when we boarded the vessel and started again only when we disembarked. The heavy downpour that followed occurred on our way to the Changi Air Terminal where we were safely sheltered from the elements in the bus, much to our relief...

Changi Air Terminal, our final destination for the day! We visited Yusen Air, the Air Cargo arm of our company at their new office in Changi. Their office has a surprisely 'open' concept, with workstation partitions nowhere in sight.. The chairs in the meeting rooms were so huge and comfortable to sit on that I told one of my colleagues that I was going to hijack one back to our office at Harborfront, whereby the chairs are so tiny that you do not have space on it for a cushion. Finally, we were driven around the SATS and CIAS terminals to have a look before calling it a day. Reason why we were driven? Security was so tight within that area that we were not even allowed to step into the warehouse. As such, we could only peeked in from afar...

It was close to 6pm by the time we arrived back at the Harborfront office. I must admit that I was feeling pretty drained. It also wasn't exactly a pleasant feeling to be reporting back at work when more than half of the staff have already knocked-off. Cleared my mails till about 7pm and home sweet home...

Anywayz, I wasn't the latest to leave!! Heez! As I was leaving, I saw one of the guys who also attended the tour typing away at his desk. Just his 'luck' that his desk is situated right in front of the door... *smirk* Okiez.. Shan't be so evieel... Hope he didn't stay back too late and he's now safely home wherever home may be... =D

The Perils of Braces

2005-10-12T06:36:00.000-07:00

It's been two days since I've fixed my braces on and I must confess that this ISN'T a nice experience! First, it hurts like crazy when my upper and lower jaw accidentally hit each other. Second, a foodie having to survive only on porridge and liquid foods is pure agony! Finally, the metal braces are really doing an extremely effective job in terrorizing my poor petrified gums... And honestly, whenever I look at the mirror and grin nowadays, I think I look really really bad!!!

This reminded me of the time before the braces came on, whereby I was determined to go ahead with the orthodontic treatment despite my parents' reservations about it. Back then, which was only a few weeks back, I was like, 'It's a worthwhile investment!! A year or 2 of suffering in exchange for not having to worry about my remaining 2 baby teeth dropping out on me when I'm older and having a nice smile'. Right now, I'm looking back and sporadically regretting having gone ahead with treatment when the pain and discomfort set in. Doesn't this sound like the children of Israel looking back at their days of slavery after God brought them into the desert?? Hah!!

Human beings are indeed inperfect... We will always look back at the 'good old days' when the road ahead is shrouded with uncertainty and fear. It seems like it's always more assuring to tread on a tried and tested path, rather than taking a step of faith and discovering new ground. However, we never know what treasure lies ahead of us if we are too afraid to move forward. For the Israelites, a beautiful God-given land flowing with milk and honey awaited, but they let fear of the giants cripple them. As a result, they wondered for a longer time in the wilderness and many in that generation never had the chance to enjoy the blessing...

In conclusion, I have 2 important things to bear in mind...

2 Tim 1:7

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.

Jer 29:11

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.

Knowing that I'm not created to be bound by fear and having God already planned a good future for me, I will look ahead with anticipation and faith.

Back to the issue on braces, I shall hold on to the light at the end of this tunnel 1-2 years later, when the braces will be removed. At that time, I'll have a neat and straight set of teeth, and I'll be able to eat anything and everything I feel like eating!! I can hardly wait!!

Treasure the Present with Love

2005-10-01T08:24:00.000-07:00

I must say it really feels weird not having my brother around in the house. Stepped out of my bedroom this morning and found the door of his bedroom open and his bed unslept on. This sight transported me back to the times when I see his bedroom door tightly shut, indicating that he's probably still deep in slumber land. The house just seems emptier without him...

It was just last night when we saw him off at the airport, with him departing for UK to further his studies. Frankly speaking, I wasn't feeling all too sad when we were driving him to the airport. I even got really sleepy at some point in time and felt like returning home sooner. However, it was only when he walked through the threshold of the departure gates that the reality of his leaving sunk in. As hard as I was trying to fight the tears, they rolled down my cheeks seemingly with a will of their own. My mother was also crying, while my dad was trying to hold back his tears by smiling.

Seeing my brother off was made easier by having seen my buddy, Jacqueline, off years ago when I literally cried buckets at the thought of her leaving for Canada and not knowing when I'll ever see her again. At the very least, I am comforted by the consolation that my brother will be home in December this time around. After all these seeing off, I can only conclude that I really dislike goodbyes....

Anyway, not having my brother around teaches me one thing. That is to treasure the time I have with my loved ones around me before it's gone for good. On his last week here, I wasn't exactly the nicest and most accomodating person in the house. I didn't see the need to have to give in to him and even got upset when my mother gave him a box of tea from Taiwan, which she carefully rations, to bring with him. I also failed to hold back on some snide remarks pretaining to some issues which weren't exactly pleasant. In retrospect, I have to concede that my pride and pettiness got the better of me. At the moment, I must admit that I was a complete spoilt whoose and totally regret not being more magnanimous and generous where he's concerned. I somehow feel this nagging fear that I might have even caused an irreparable rift in our sibling relationship. I can only pray that God will keep my family together and strong.

I want to have a BIG heart and put others, especially my family, before myself. I confess that I have often been a self-seeking and wilful brat. As the bible says:

James 3:16:

For where envy and self-seeking exist, confusion and every evil thing are there.

How true indeed... Selfishness often brings more pain than happiness. We end up feeling threatened by and guarded up towards the people whom God had created for us to love, which can eventually snowball into hatred and strife if left unchecked. That explains the massive phenomenon of breakdown in family units, divorce, fighting for inheritance and etc in society today. If everyone could just take one step back and place their loved ones before themselves, the number of dysfunctional family units in the world will definitely decrease significantly.

Therefore, I decide right here right now that I'll never want to live life burdened with 'what-ifs' and regretting my yesterdays. Considering how unpredictable and vulnerable life is, I can never be certain about how many more tomorrows I can share with my family and friends. I definitely do not want to have myself taking my family and friends for granted or get mad at them over trivial matters, only to wish I had shown more care, love and concern when it's too late. Final conclusion, we must 'SEIZE the Present' and remember that 'LOVE covers All'.

Changing Ministry/ Company Dinner

2005-09-28T08:59:00.000-07:00

I've finally made a decision today that I'm gonna opt for a change in my church ministry. Well, I have been contemplating for quite for while and I believe that it's high time to move on from choir to community services. My main reasons are as follows:

My work schedule makes it really tiring and stressful for me to continue serving in choir. At present, I'm always rushing and hurrying down every week from work, only to arrive just in time to run up the stage. I have also been missing all the pre-service practices on Fridays and a couple of bi-weekly practices on Wednesdays. Sometimes, my choir IC will ask me not to sing on stage due to my not having learned the new song.
Recently, I realised that my heart seems to go out to people who are less fortunate eg. people who perform/sell stuff on the streets. I always wish I could do something for them and improve their lives somehow, but have absolutely no idea how to go about doing it. After some thought, community services seem to be 'calling out' to me.
I no longer feel the passion for serving in choir burning within me as I don't seem to be doing anything significant in choir.

The situation around me seems to be telling me that it's time for a change and nudging me towards a new direction (community services). Anyhow, I'll talk to Brother Isaiah about it after cell group tomorrow and see what he says...

Ministry aside, I attended a company dinner tonight at 'The Olive Restaurant' at Labrador Park. The ambience was pretty good but the food was mediocre. Anyway, I don't exactly know what gave me the "fortune" of having the senior manager from the Automotive team sitting beside me. I ended up bearing the brunt of his jokes, having him shout across to some of my male japanese colleagues that I wanna hold their hands, go on a date with them, think they're really handsome and all the nonsense...

I mean, I can take some jokes, it's totally fine by me. However, at some juncture, I just thought it went somewhat overboard and I was honestly close to tears. It made me wonder if he was doing it purely out of good fun or if he was trying to discredit me. Much to my relief, he toned down after a while and diverted his attention. This incident set me thinking, I could either crumble and cry, or be strong and ignore all the crappy comments made. I decided on the latter, telling myself that I CAN ignore all the crap because it's all complete nonsense. What he said could trigger the 'upset' switch, but the extent to which I let myself get upset and unhappy is within the scope of my control. Anyway, he has the reputation of calling people names and fabricating nonsensical stuff.

I must say that the 'work' world really pushed me into a whole new paradigm whereby I have to fend for myself, control my emotions and censor offensive remarks... It's no wonder people call it the cold hard world out there... Nevertheless, if I have painted the senior manager in question to sound like a mean monster, please do not be mistaken. He is actually quite a nice guy who just likes to disturb people (specifically myself at the moment), which can set my blood boiling in a matter of minutes. Yet and still, it's comforting at the end of the day to know that God is ever present as my refuge and source of immense strength. At the moment, I feel stronger and released as I refuse to be bound by what people say. In the end, it's what God thinks and says that really matters...

BACK BACK BACK!!!

2005-09-20T07:59:00.000-07:00

I'm finally back!! Thanks to a special sister, Xiaowei, who kinda 'cornered' me into giving her my blog addy despite my insistence that my blog is virtually dead. She encouraged me to start blogging again and so here I am typing away...

Well, I finally met up with Xiaowei for dinner yesterday after a long long time. She was always busy preparing for exams and I hardly get the chance to talk to her. We dined at Cafe Cartel City Hall and talked and talked and talked. Really glad that after so long, we are still able to talk and share about our lives like old times. Gotta confess that at times I'll feel envious of Xuan for having Xiaowei as a biological sister...

Another reason why I'm back is also because of my initial reason for blogging in the first place ie to share the poems I've written. As Xiaowei was telling me about everyone else's blog, the desire to write began to slowly rekindle within me. Somehow, I believe that God has placed this ability of writing poems and songs into my hands for a reason.

At the moment, try as I might, I just can't seem to figure out what I'm supposed to do with these writing abilities. Being a control freak who seeks to constantly know what is and will happen, it inevitably gets really frustrating at times when the desired answers seem deliberately evasive. Nonetheless, I guess this is what's faith and trust in God is all about.

Proverbs 3:5,6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding;

In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.

The above verse serves as poignant reminder for me to avoid being overly dependent on my own limited strength and logical mind. Instead, I should tap into God's abundant and inexhaustable wealth of peace and strength. After all, wrecking my brains and trying to fathom God's work prematurely is fruitless and leads to unnecessary pent up annoyance and discontent. Since the result isn't within my scope of control, I could either;

Get super frustrated, worked up, pull my hair out over my ignorance and feel like a complete loser, or
Relinquish the burden of wanting to know-it-all. Abide by God's sovereignity and power in quietness and trust knowing that I am His child and He knows the best time to reveal His plan to me.

Needless to say, option 2 sounds like a wiser move. Conclusion, it's an ongoing battle between faith and logic, with the extremely annoying satan firing missiles and messing up my spiritual radar. Nevertheless, God triumphs over satan and because I'm a child of God, I will also be triumphant. On an ending note, I'll take a step at a time and resolve to update my bloggy more often, and pen more songs and poems. Hopefully and prayerfully, God will reveal more to me in time to come...

*Yawnz* Bedtime and it's back work again tomorrow.

I must really take leave one of these days to retain my balance and sanity... @_@

Light Amidst The Darkness

2005-08-20T22:08:00.000-07:00

Time and age with its uncanny ability,

unveil undesirable contents to the soul.

Increased exposure to this crazy world,

propels innocence to the ranks of oblivion.

A human heart, unfathomably fallen,

moulded and shaped by circumstances.

The power and effect of alcohol consumption,

a rowdy spine-tingling transformation.

This is but the beginning,

the horizons will inevitably broaden.

Countless more lessons to learn,

buckets of naivete to burn.

Thank God I have You,

Jesus, who gives me faith to go on believing.

Who brings light amidst the darkness,

an eternal epitome of untainted goodness.

Hide me Lord, under Your shadow,

away from the snares of evil and sorrow.

Set me Lord, on a broad place,

guide me always to seek your face.

Envelope me with Your tender mercy,

teach me Your undying love.

Holding on as your hope abides,

never ever falling prey to societal tide.

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:: thoughts :: reflections ::
Wrote the above poem as I was lost in a melancholic state of mind triggered by the incident which happened over the company dinner, whereby we were entertaining some overseas guests. Well, just felt completely out of place I must admit, not knowing what to say and fearing that I might just sprout the wrong stuff which has happened countless times in the past.

Anyhow, knowing the beer culture that Japan has, it wasn't any surprise when my Japanese male colleagues started drinking. As the alcohol-level rose in the blood stream, so did the noise level. Until... 'BANG!!' One of the guys, who's usually extremely quiet in the office, talked so loud, lost his inhibition and slammed the table really hard. Call me over-protected or a 'frog in a well' but it was the first time I witnessed that sort of transformation.

Just a month or so in my new job, I felt myself catapulted into a thoroughly different world populated by culturally-divided people, varying moral values and blurring lines. Not exactly a beautiful sight or experience to behold, but a reality to accept and live in. Nevertheless, I pondered and received the consolation that I have God, who will light up my paths and walk beside me through this new phase of life and beyond, which resulted in the poem above. May whoever is reading this be comforted if you're going through a similar transition...

God HEARS Us...

2005-05-17T07:57:00.000-07:00

Isaiah 41:10

Fear not , for I am with you;
Be not dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you,
Yes, I will help you,
I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.

This verse seems so close to my heart at the moment and speaks much comfort to the jobless state I am in right now. Much has happened over the last two weeks, which brings to mind how long I've not written here. It seems that at this point in time, the perpetual issue that invades my mind is the hope to start working. I just learnt a lesson last week.

I realized that if I really prayed hard enough, God might just answer my prayer though it might not be what He has intended for me. Just the week before, impatience and anxiety got the better of me and I prayed to God and asked Him to just do something or anything to show me that something is happening with regard to my job hunting. And viola!! God probably gave in to my whining and I got calls for THREE interviews last week. It turned out... .

The interview for the position a Corporate Events Executive, which I held the most interest in, went pretty well BUT has working hours that will mess up my church schedule and a job scope that my mum objects to.
The interview for the position for an Account Executive in an advertising firm was really trying as I was grilled with questions I wasn't prepared for.
The interview for the position of a Business Development Executive, which left me seething and feeling totally cheated of my taxi money, turned out to be one seeking an insurance agent by some renowned (or should I say infamous) insurance company.

Besides that, I was even approached by the General Manager of Carlifornia Fitness at Bugis Junction to consider being hired as a Sports Counsellor. The Beverly Job Hunting Department was really thriving with activity last week as compared to the drought weeks before.

Nevertheless, after the 3rd crappy interview, I was loitering around Amara Hotel feeling like I'm back to where I've started again. Nothing had changed... But God had answered my prayer, no doubt about it... Just not in the way I wanted it to be or how He planned it to be... Feeling dejected as I strolled in the mall, I walked into a Christian shop and browsed through some of the merchandise on sale. As I departed from the shop, I turned my head to study the shop decor one last time and found my eyes falling on the bible verse adhered to the wall.

Matthew 4:4

Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God

The above logos which has been subtly tugging at my heart for sometime instantly transformed into a rhema. I should not be living by BREAD (referring to my job) alone, but by God's word, which includes, praising Him, worshipping Him, trusting in Him, waiting on Him, hoping in Him and abiding in HIS TIME!!!

Through this incident, a past revelation is fortified. I can never figure out God's thoughts and ways, as they will definitely be infinitely higher than my understanding can contain. Any attempts to figure God's future plans for me will needlessly be concluded futile, instead I'll just wait on Him to reveal them to me in His own TIME. For now, I will try my very best not to worry but enjoy my blues-free mondays and continue hoping and trusting in the Lord... =)

Job Hunting Blues

2005-04-21T21:53:00.000-07:00

Phew.. For a moment, I thought my blog was gone for good as my blog user name just slipped my mind completely. I was trying typing in all the combinations that made sense and was even calling out for help from God. And bingo!! God is good and I hit spot on!! Moral of the story... No human being escapes the ravages of aging... Well, it's been a while since I've written and was just hit by the urge to post something..

Let's just say that I'm living in limbo now where my career is concerned. To date, it's been a month plus since I've left my temporary position in Asia Pacific CIS Pte Ltd. To say that I'm not fretting and am totally faith-filled with my current jobless state would be outright dishonesty. This is especially so when I see friends finding their dream jobs, or at least a reasonable jobs, and mixed feelings of anxiety, despair and envy will start raging within. Cuz of that, I departed on a guilt trip, rebuking and beating myself up for my lack of trust and faith in God. This constant struggle in my head is really exhausting...

Without a magna cum laude honours degree to boast about or a top-notch resume to die for, I'm holding on tightly to God in this area of my life. Although I might not have the best qualifications or experience, nothing is too hard for God!! The bible says these:

1 Corinthians 2:27 But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to put to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to put to shame the things which are mighty

Matthew 6:28-30 28"So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; 29and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 30Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?

Luke 1:37 For with God nothing will be impossible.

AMEN!!! I await expectantly for the time whereby I can share a great testimony and to glorify God's name through this.

Lamentations: The Fall of Man

2005-03-31T23:02:00.000-08:00

Seduced by the serpent’s lies,
The consequence she never thought twice.
Deceived into subtle rebellion,
She coveted for what’s forbidden.

Tempted beyond control,
She sampled the fruit of tragedy unknown.

Blinded by his love for her,
He condoned her perverse error.

Manipulated by the devil’s wretched plot,
The fight of faith he never fought.
Twisted and bent by circumstances,
He succumbed to sin and willfulness.

Not for a moment have they realized,
How hefty was the resultant price.
Eternity they unknowingly relinquished,
Granting the cursed one his very wish.

Hitherto in man sin perpetuates,
damaging every societal fabric it permeates.

Words cannot describe,
The sorrow I feel inside.
If only I could travel back in time,
To prevent the deadly crime.
Right before it was too late…
Right before they sealed their fate…

:: Thoughts :: Reflections ::
This was something I wrote to pour out whatever’s broiling within me after reading a detailed article illustrating the fall of man. It was just one of the times when I feel like clobbering satan in Jesus’ name! It was also one of the times when I question myself what it might have been if Adam and Eve had not eaten the forbidden fruit. It’s scary to see the beginning of a ‘minor’ sin manifest and multiply into what it is today. Nevertheless, the consolation lies in the fact that God is still very much alive today and He has through Jesus Christ, His only begotten Son, carry out the plan of restoration for the human race.

He Never Gives Up

2005-03-31T22:55:00.000-08:00

Visiting the rudiments of the past,
Nothing really seem to last.
Events and objects of significance,
Degrade to that of nonchalance.

Life’s like a long winding road,
With boulders and bends to unfold.
Often we stumble and we fall,
Get trapped and ignore God’s call.

Time and again we fall prey to myopia,
Governed by the existing paralyzing fear.
Often failing to see beyond the pain,
Losing sight of the glory God has ordained.

Fortunately, our God never slumbers,
His children to satan He never surrenders.
By His Word it is certain,
In His character we can be confident.

Patiently He waits by the door,
Till our strength can sustain no more.
Cast unto God our burdens and fears,
He will carry and comfort us through the tears.

Through it all, He never gives up,
In His children, He never loses heart.
He remains the loving Heavenly Father,
Yesterday, today and forever…

:: Thoughts :: Reflections ::
How true it is that more often than not in life, we lose sight of life eternal and God’s calling. We try to grab hold of what is transient and temporal, only to realize what a grave mistake we’ve made when our world comes crashing down. Through my walk with God, I’ve come to realize that He is the safest refuge and solace I can ever find. Despite the abominable things I’ve done, He has never deserted me though sometimes it feels as though He has. He’s always waiting for me to find my way home to Him…

Sacrifice of Love

2005-03-31T09:23:00.000-08:00

Betrayed with a kiss,
Detained without a fight.
A righteous Man prosecuted,
A murderer set free.
Wrongfully accused of,
A crime never committed,
Hated without a cause.

Flocked mercilessly,
Whipped repeatedly,
Despised and tortured,
Spat on and stoned.
Crowned with thorns,
Robed in scarlet.
Carried a wooden cross,
Stumbled and fell.
Profusely injured and drained,
Humiliated beyond comprehension.

His blood dripped,
All the way to Calvary.
Feeble hands and legs,
Ruthlessly nailed.
Fed with sour wine,
Crucified on the cross.
Abandoned…
Forsaken…
He called out to the Father,
Gave up His Spirit,
And He died…
It was done…

The debt of sin nullified,
Because Jesus paid the price.
Bearing humanity’s every sin,
He gave His life…
Just so we can be forgiven…
Just so we can be free…
Eternity’s most poignant sacrifice,
An epitome of love beyond measure…

::Thoughts::Reflections::
Words cannot describe the love that Jesus has for us. He willingly came as a Man knowing that He will eventually die and be humiliated. I believe that whatever He went through prior the crucifixion was needless to say, a fate worse than death itself. Yet and still, He endured without a single complaint or regret, just because of His love for all who were, and who are to come… For everything that Jesus has done for me, how could I not love Him with all my heart and soul? I LOVE YOU JESUS!!!